


my girl

by peroxideprncss



Series: beyond your darkness, i'm your light [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Fertility Issues, Fluff, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24801580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peroxideprncss/pseuds/peroxideprncss
Summary: or, 5 times Mai thought she was pregnant, and the 1 time she actually was
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar) - mentioned, Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: beyond your darkness, i'm your light [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765171
Comments: 11
Kudos: 242





	my girl

**Author's Note:**

> **contains description of fertility struggles & mentions of pregnancy loss**  
> everything in this series takes place in the same 'universe', so there are a few references here to previous fics in the series, but you don't have to read them to understand this one. i wanted to run with the 5+1 prompt and thought this would be a good way to do it. please let me know what you think!

1.

Mai nervously rolled the hem of her sleeve between her fingers – she was sat on the very edge of her seat, waiting impatiently for Zuko’s meeting to end. She desperately wanted to talk to him _now_ , but knew better than to interrupt; he may not have minded, but his advisors and the diplomats he was meeting with definitely would. So, she lingered just outside the throne room, sometimes standing up to pace, and other times slumping back onto the ottoman in defeat. No matter what, though, a part of her was always moving.

Finally, the large door creaked open. Mai stood up quickly, turning towards it to see who was coming out. A few of the men were exiting the room, but Zuko was still nowhere in sight. Once the group had filed out, Mai poked her head into the open door to see what was going on. Zuko was still speaking with one of his advisors, and Mai sighed in frustration before returning to her seat. Her leg bounced automatically as it balanced on the ball of her foot, her face twisting as she started to drown in her thoughts. Just when she couldn’t take it anymore, a hand fell gently onto her shoulder.

“Mai,” Zuko said softly, craning his neck to look at her, “Is everything okay?”

“Um,” she started nervously, “I need to talk to you about something. Come on.” Mai rose to her feet once again and began moving swiftly towards the courtyard. Zuko blinked a few times in surprise before breaking into a half-jog to catch up with her. They emerged into the cool evening, the sun having set a little while before. Nevertheless, Mai still went automatically to the shelter of the large tree by the fountain.

“Mai?” Zuko asked again, reaching down to take her fumbling hands, “What’s going on?” She glanced quickly up at him, but cast her eyes downward once more, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted, before beginning to ramble, “I know this is _way_ too soon, I mean you haven’t even been Fire Lord for a full year yet, and we’re not even marr – I mean, what will people say? I’m sorry.”

“Mai,” Zuko stopped her, bringing a gentle hand to her face, “Take a deep breath.” He breathed with her, and it seemed to calm her down, but she still wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“Zuko,” Mai said so softly that he had to strain to hear, “I think I might be pregnant.”

“Oh.” Zuko blinked, trying to process the news. Mai cast her eyes further downward, and a singular tear fell from the tip of her nose.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized again, this time her voice thick with emotion. Zuko snapped out of his disbelief long enough to pull her into a tight embrace.

“We’ll figure it out,” he reassured her, stroking her hair gently as she cried quietly into his shoulder, “Everything will be okay.”

First thing the next morning, Zuko sent Suki for a healer, knowing that she would keep everything as discreet as possible. Just an hour later, Suki escorted an older woman into the bedroom where Mai was waiting, and it was now Zuko’s turn to wait nervously outside a closed door. After what felt like hours, Suki and the woman emerged once more, and Zuko rushed immediately in before the door had a chance to close. He looked at Mai expectantly, trying to search her face for answers. She let out a sigh before speaking.

“False alarm,” she deadpanned with an apathetic shrug. Zuko nodded slowly as he sat down beside her.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked, looking at his own lap.

“I mean, it would’ve been crazy, right?” Mai responded with a sour laugh, “Like, it’s way too soon.”

“Yeah,” Zuko gave an empty chuckle in response. They sat in silence for another moment.

“But,” he said softly, “It’s okay to be sad about it, too.” Mai simply nodded, and took his hand in hers.

“It’ll happen someday,” Zuko said, “When it’s the right time, after we’re married and everything.” He blushed lightly at his admission, turning to face her. Mai finally looked up into his eyes. She was blushing, too, but also smiling. She nodded in agreement, and Zuko leaned forward to kiss her smile.

* * *

2.

Mura was concerned for her niece – she knew that Mai had just broken up with Kei Lo, but she seemed to be getting more upset about it as time went on rather than less. She’d tried to speak to her about it, but her ever-stoic niece refused to reveal much information.

Mai was a mess – but didn’t want _anyone_ to see it. She was confident in her decision to break up with Kei Lo; that is, until her bleeding decided not to come this month. With every day that passed, Mai grew more frustrated and anxious. It was one thing to have a child out of wedlock, but a whole other ordeal to not even be with the father anymore. Only when she realized that she was about to chop the head off a newly bloomed rose did Mai set down her scissors and retreat into the back room of the shop.

“It’s only a week late,” Mai tried to comfort herself, “It doesn’t matter if it’s almost always been perfectly on time. This has happened before. I’m sure it’s fine.” She didn’t believe it even when she was saying it. Mai took a few tense breaths before returning to the shop floor.

“Mai, dear,” Mura said with concern, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Not really,” Mai sheepishly admitted. Mura simply nodded sympathetically.

“Why don’t you go home early today?” she offered, “It’s a little slow anyway, and you look like you could use some rest.”

Not wanting to argue, Mai simply nodded in agreement before hanging up her apron and walking out the door. Her whole walk home was a blur, as she was so lost in thought that she didn’t even register it was happening. Nevertheless, Mai arrived before she knew it and made her way straight to her bedroom. Her constant worrying must’ve finally taken its toll on her, because as soon as her head hit the pillow, she slept.

Mai awoke a few hours later, her room now dark. She looked out the window to see that the sun had already set, and lit the candle on her bedside table. She carried it with her into the washroom, yawning as she closed the door behind her. Mai set the candle down before going about her business. Just as she was about to pull her undergarments back over her hips, Mai glanced down and noticed a new red stain. All her anxieties exited her body with the sigh of relief she let out.

* * *

3.

On their first wedding anniversary, Mai had planned an extravagant evening for her and Zuko. Lately, he had been busier than usual, leaving them little time to spend together, so the Fire Lady took it upon herself to carve out a night just for the two of them.

However, the morning of their anniversary was rung in by Mai bent over a basin, vomiting. Her stomach’s revolt had woken her up just before sunrise, and didn’t seem to be slowing down. Zuko had stayed dutifully by her side, keeping her hair off her neck and helping her take small mouthfuls of water. After a little while, he grew more concerned, and left briefly to send for someone.

“A healer will be here soon,” Zuko said softly as he knelt next to his wife again, “Are you feeling any better?” Mai simply groaned in response. Zuko dabbed the cold sweat from her forehead gently, his worry increasing when he noticed her complexion was even paler than usual.

“Do you want to lay down?” he asked, and before Mai could answer, she was heaving once again. He rubbed her back soothingly, wishing there was more he could do to alleviate her pain. She let out a frustrated sigh before sitting back on her knees.

“This sucks,” she complained, holding her forehead in her trembling hand, “But hopefully it’s worth it.”

“What do you mean?” Zuko asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

“Come on, Zuko,” Mai tried to tease, “What else causes an otherwise healthy young woman to throw up constantly? Especially in the _morning_?” She waited impatiently, but the wheels finally started to turn in her husband’s head.

“You think so?” he asked hopefully, a smile spreading across his face. She smiled weakly back at him, nodding.

“I’m pretty sure,” she assured, “I mean, I’ve been late before, but now…I think this is a real sign.” Zuko pressed a kiss to her forehead, ignoring the salty taste of her skin. His heart began to soar with visions of a small bundle of blankets in his wife’s arms.

A knock at the door meant the healer had arrived, and Zuko helped lead Mai back to their bed before opening the door. The healer greeted them both before tending to Mai. She asked the Fire Lady questions about what she thought was going on, and seemed to agree that pregnancy was the answer. That is, until she finished her check-up.

“I’m sorry, my Lady,” the healer said sympathetically, “You’re not with child. It’s simply a stomach flu. Be sure to get plenty of rest. I’ll leave this herbal tea with your servants – it should help with the nausea.” After she had exited the room, Mai and Zuko shared a sad look.

“I’m sorry,” Mai said dejectedly, “I really thought, this time…”

“Don’t apologize,” Zuko replied gently, joining her in the bed, “It’s out of our control. It’ll happen when it’s meant to.” He offered her a warm smile, which she mirrored weakly. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple once again.

* * *

4.

Mai marveled at her swollen stomach – as she pressed a hand to it, she felt a strong kick that sent shockwaves up her arm. She smiled widely, filled with so much love and awe for the child growing inside her.

“Mai,” she heard her husband’s voice calling for her, and she turned to face him, only to see that he wasn’t there.

“Mai,” Zuko called again, gently shaking his wife’s shoulder. Mai grumbled as she was stirred from her sleep, disappointed to see that it had all been a dream.

“Good morning,” Zuko chuckled, kissing his wife’s forehead.

“You took me out of a perfectly good dream,” Mai complained teasingly, turning onto her side to face away from him. Zuko laughed again before rising from the bed.

“Aang and Katara will be here any minute,” he said, “We’ll finally get to meet the baby.”

Mai felt a distant pang of jealousy. She was delighted for her friends, really, but the two had barely been married six months when they discovered they were expecting. And now they had a beautiful baby boy, the perfect addition to their perfect little family. Mai knew that having children wasn’t easy for everyone, but it felt like a particularly cruel trick of the universe that everyone else around her seemed to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat.

After dressing, Mai and Zuko made their way out into the courtyard where Appa landed softly, right on schedule. They waved up to their friends, and watched excitedly as Aang took a squirming bundle from his wife’s arms before descending from the saddle with the help of his bending. He waited for Katara to join him and take the baby into her arms again before they approached.

“It’s so good to see you,” Zuko smiled fondly as he hugged the Avatar. Aang gave Mai a quick hug as well. Katara stepped towards them, the whole time staring down into the bundle she was carrying.

“Say hello to your Uncle Zuko and Aunt Mai,” she whispered before offering the bundle to Zuko. As the baby was passed into his arms, Zuko looked onto his face with awe. The little boy had wild black hair poking out from under the blanket, and blinked his lids open to reveal striking pale blue eyes. Zuko was transfixed, staring lovingly at this tiny little face.

“What’s his name?” Mai’s voice floated from beside him, and Zuko realized that he had completely blocked out the rest of the world for a moment.

“Bumi,” Aang announced proudly.

“After the crazy king of Omashu?” Mai chuckled, looking up at the proud parents. Katara giggled in response, nodding.

“Hey, he was one of my best friends,” Aang defended, his smile never faltering, “And you can’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance. Just look at that hair!” The friends shared a quiet laugh, not daring to speak louder than a whisper even though the baby was awake.

“He’s…amazing,” Zuko sighed, his eyes never leaving the little boy. Mai looked onto her husband affectionately, feeling a pang of guilt somewhere in the back of her mind. He would be such a wonderful father, she thought; but would she be able to give him a child? Her dream had felt so real, but would they ever be able to experience that? For now, she put the question away, focusing on the very real baby that was right in front of them.

* * *

5.

After her miscarriage, Mai started to take her fertility much more seriously. As much as everyone told her not to blame herself, she felt as though if she had perhaps been more in tune with herself, she could’ve known she was pregnant and prevented the loss. (Even when Katara assured her that there was nothing she could’ve done to keep it from happening, Mai still held that grain of self-doubt in the back of her mind.)

After consulting a few healers, Mai was on a strict regimen of specific herbal teas, massage therapy, and cycle tracking. Now six months into it, Zuko had the routine memorized just as well: stinging nettle tea in the morning, followed by massage and raspberry leaf tea in the afternoon. Even their intercourse was scheduled, which had seemed fun at first, but now felt more like a daunting task. Still, Zuko did everything he could to help, knowing how upset Mai was about it all. He wanted children just as much as she did, but hated seeing her stretch herself so thin to try and get it done.

“What do you think we should do?” Zuko asked his mother over tea one morning. She had noticed more than the usual fatigue written into his face, and he had explained that Mai’s bleeding had come the night before. He comforted her as she mourned another month lost.

“I wish I knew what to tell you,” Ursa responded sympathetically, “Has anyone been able to tell you why it’s hard for you two to conceive?”

“Not exactly,” Zuko responded, looking dejected, “Which almost makes it worse. If we knew what the problem was, we’d at least know how to fix it.” Ursa nodded in agreement, looking into the distance thoughtfully.

Their conversation would repeat itself every couple weeks, until one day in the beginning of winter, Mai emerged from the washroom with a glint of hope in her eyes.

“I’m late,” she announced to her husband with a small smile. His expression softened into a smile as well before he enveloped her in a hug.

“Agni, please,” Zuko silently pled as he hugged his wife, “Let this be the one.”

Two days later, Zuko heard commotion from their bedroom. He ran through the door, fearing the worst. Inside, he found Mai alone, having knocked over her tray of afternoon tea and thrown a couple darts into the wall for good measure. She was crumpled on the floor, sobbing. He rushed to her side, but already knew what was wrong.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Mai cried, “I’m just so _tired_. Every month it’s the same thing over and over again – maybe I’m just not meant to have children.”

Zuko simply held her, silently crying as well. Mourning their dreams of parenthood that just seemed to slip further and further away.

* * *

\+ 1.

It was just before sunrise, but Zuko had been awake for hours. Mai had gone into labor the previous evening, and since then they were waiting impatiently for their baby to arrive. As things progressed, more and more people entered their bedroom, until now there was what felt like a small crowd surrounding them. Zuko was positioned behind Mai, supporting her full body weight as she relaxed between contractions.

“You’re getting close, my Lady,” a nurse encouraged from the foot of the bed after examining Mai, “Only a little while longer.” Zuko smiled nervously at the thought of meeting their baby that they had so long desired.

Both Ursa and Michi were holding Mai’s hands, whispering constant encouragements and affirmations. On the next contraction, Mai let out a scream.

“Push,” the nurse urged, and Mai complied. After a few moments, she collapsed back into her husband, heaving to catch her breath.

“Good job, Mai,” Ursa said, “You’re doing so good.”

“I’ve got you,” Zuko whispered into Mai’s ear before planting a gentle kiss to it, “I’ve got you.” Mai nodded in determination, before the nurse had her push again.

“Wonderful, Mai!” Michi cheered, dabbing the sweat gently from her daughter’s forehead. Mai groaned in frustration.

“You can do this,” Zuko assured her. The nurse called for one last push. After a deep breath, Mai complied, letting out a guttural cry. Just as the first light of day spilled through the windows, strong cries filled the room. Their baby was born.

“You did it, Mai,” Zuko said, eyes already blurring with tears, “You did it. You’re amazing.”

“It’s a girl,” the nurse said as she laid the baby gently onto Mai’s chest.

“A girl,” Mai breathed in awe, “We have a baby girl.” The commotion around them faded away as Zuko and Mai looked onto their daughter with more love than they’d ever felt before. All the struggle and pain of not just the labor and pregnancy, but their challenges in conceiving over the years, melted away instantly to make room for the monumental swelling of their hearts.

“I love you,” Zuko said softly, staring at the tuft of black hair atop his daughter’s head, “I love you so much. Both of you.” He reached a gentle hand around to caress the tiny being. Her fussing calmed at her father’s touch, and he stroked her hair as if she were the most delicate thing on earth.

Zuko didn’t stop staring at his daughter for the rest of the day. Even as visitors stopped in to meet the newborn princess, he only had eyes for her. Finally, nearer to the evening, the little family had time to themselves.

“She’s perfect,” Mai mused, looking lovingly upon her now sleeping baby girl. Zuko hummed in agreement, stroking the baby’s chubby cheeks lightly with his finger.

“What should we name her?” Mai asked, looking to her husband. Her expression softened again when she saw the way he was looking at their daughter.

“Hm,” Zuko hummed thoughtfully, “Did you have anything in mind?”

“There was one name I liked,” Mai started, looking to her daughter again, “Izumi.”

“Izumi,” Zuko smiled as he said it, then nodded in approval, “It’s perfect.”

Mai and Zuko spent the rest of the night watching their daughter sleep, their own exhaustion nowhere close to touching their happiness. Finally, their baby was here, and she was so worth the wait.


End file.
